222 -Not that innocent

smiles

2008-05-11T22:44:00.002+08:00

Jus when i thought my blog is so dead, you drop by and visit me. smiles.... No more project no more burn midnight oil and sleepless night for days. So happy....

Have been studying for my paper lately. 2 papers to go and i am done with Uni!!!! So happy... Now i have to face another challenge of my life!!! What should i do, what should i work as. i dunno what kind of job i am interested. hmm... for a moment i wanna do marketing, other moment i wanna try sales, accounts??? i wanna try sth interesting... i want challenging job, but what is challenging..

i am just like a frog in the well... i noe nuts about what is happening in the maket... what kinds of job are there except for those common one. how??? sob.....

my 'free' collection

2008-04-11T16:17:00.005+08:00

Like to collect free bear bear... Esp those Wedding bears that were given as souvenir to the guest. SMiles... It is just the beginning more will come...

Like This Two the most... They look so adorable.... Smiles Yeah They are all Free....
See how sweet the female bear bear is smiling....

This year there are another few more weddings... Smiles... Which mean i will have more Bears...

troubled....

2008-04-06T21:40:00.002+08:00

i am scared.... i dunno whether i am doing the right thing. i tell myself not to... but i cant control myself... i cant make myself stop thinking about it.... my project deadline i set for myself is due soon.... i don wanna drag it further... but i jus cant stop thinking.... i really wanna study... i really wanna concentrate.... but i cant... too big a temptation.... i jus cant prevent myself from jumping in... i wish to islolate myself from it.... but i cant.... everytime i on the com, the first thing i wanna do is to open it.... Sob... i feel terrible....

Confused.

2008-03-28T23:52:00.000+08:00

Maybe mum is right... Although I keep denying, although I don't want to acknowledge it, I still have to face it.

I seldom turn to the blog unless I am really lonely... but after second tots I think I am not lonely. I refuse to let ppl in. I wan to isolate myself. Erm no.... Maybe that's not true. I can't get hold of what is going through my mind. I am confused. I am lost.

I tot I want something but after sometime, the strong feeling disappear. I tot I make my stand, I tot I already decide the course of action, I tot I convince myself. But why am I haunted by the same set of questions over and over again.

I am easily swayed by what other say, I don't have my own stand.... I wan to do everything. I want to try everything.

I nv put in 100%.... I dunno what it is like to put in 100%. I am so dependent on others. I dunno what it is like to be alone. To do thing alone? to take care of myself? I am alws in my comfort zone. Under the protection of my family, under the protection of my sister, under the protection of my friends, I am nv gonna learn…. I wan to fly…. But I fear I will drop….

I tot I like…. But I dunno…. I tot I will leave…. But I cant… I tot I found it…. The feeling issnt strong….

I hate to make decision regarding my own life. I hate to do things alone. I hate to face the com alone.

Batam Cable ski 07

2008-01-03T12:14:00.000+08:00

Cable ski is damn fun. Drank a little water, Ski a little and swim alot. It was a good sport that exercise the whole body. Did manage to stand on the board n ski, but didnt manage to get any pic of it.

Sis Wedding!!!! sneak preview

2007-12-19T14:16:00.000+08:00

So happy.... so tiring... was busy with my da jie wedding. it is finally over. so much fun disturbing my bro-in-law esp at the gate crash. some photos to share. smilessistas n aunt

cousin n sista

sistas, cousin n jan

my sistas n nephew

my shorty boi boi

haha real height (w/o heels)

Stupid Face

2007-09-16T23:34:00.000+08:00

it was quite an interesting Day for moi!!! spend one third of the day sleeping, one third teaching tuition and the rest playing indian poker. It is always fun to hang out with them!!!! Hmm... smiles

MONEY!!!

2007-09-10T23:13:00.000+08:00

20072007

2007-07-21T09:10:00.000+08:00

It have been some time since the whole gang came out. Ytd was quite a Phenomenal almost all that are suppose to be there was there.

Didnt notice yesterday was 20072007 until my mum mention it to me this morning. Maybe thats why everyone become so onz and turn up for the humble meeting.

Started with Nigel Melvin and Me having Dinner at Nydc than we shop around, went to Melvin's bountique while waiting for the rest to finish their school, commitment and so on than we all sat down at Rocher Tau Hui and chat.

Quite alots of update from those peeps.
Nigel Brought his own Car. O.o Mazda 3... Envy.... Wish i could afford one too... haha going to further his studies in Kaplan and gonna drop his place in NTU.
Melvin driving his daddy Volvo, gonna ORD soon and enrol to NTU.
Edwin with his Dad's Sonata, enrol to UniSim and happy with Gf....Smiles
Jofin move to Orchard area, living like a Tai Tai... hahaha
Sherry Converting... smiles.... too many to write about her so skip....

Should have ask mummy for car too, was so pai seh to ask Mel to send me back.... All of them was staying around Serangoon and Bishan whereas i stay in the west.... sob sob.... so ma fan...

Enjoyed chatting with them...

anyway bz helping my mummy accounts.... tired....

tata

mambo night

2007-06-22T18:55:00.000+08:00

Went Mambo with my sister on Wednesday- "Ladies Nite"!!!! It was Jan's Birthday so he asked me to join him and at the same time celebrate his bday. Initially I didn't wanna go, the thoughts of all the bills that will come along, I wasn't very keen on going. It was till all my sisters agreed to join me, I changed my mind. That night I paid nothing (except for the cab fare) yet receive the same amount of fun. It is always good to go out with elder sisters. So long nv club le. So happy!!! So happy!!!

It was the first time Ping step into Zouk, so she was ecstatic when we enter the place. The whole place was super crowded including the lobby plus the queue was amazingly long. Lucky Jan was one of the members, so he manages to get us in without queuing up. Daryn, Susan, Alvin, Jan’s friends was all there. Talk talk chat chat a little, Drank abit and chill at Future till 1 plus before we move to the Zouk. Future was so crowded that we take 10 minutes to get to the toilet, moving in and out of Future was damn tiring.

As my elder sis and I got to work the next morning we left around 2. Although it was pretty obvious that the party was jus starting, I was alrdy pretty tired. The day was jus too tiring for me to enjoy the night.

Ah Di, going Germany the next morning so couldn't join us. But when we reach home she was still surfing the internet. U must be thinking it was ok to stay up late even though u got a flight to catch the next morning but her flight was 7am in the morning. Which mean she needs to check in by 6am, leave the house at 5am and wake up by 4am! Anyway she should be enjoying herself there by now.

Busy week! Helping out at my mummy office, the Account department was in total mess. Both accountant left and my mummy got no one to help her do accounts now! Anyone wanna help me? Hai tired zZzZzZ. Don't even want to think about the amount of stuff that I need to do.

Ytd was JS's Bday, went Villa Bali to celebrate this occasion. That place is really amazing, nice ambience, good food, good music. If not for the mosquito I would think that place is prefect to chill out. Ordered Balinese food Platter, Sausage, pineapple fried rice, curry and mantou…. Hmm Delicious…. But the drinks was pretty expensive, one glass of ice lemon tea cost you $6.00. Overall, a lovely place to hang out with friends.

Today, sherry took her driving test and manages to clear it at the first time with 10 points only… so happy for her. Unlike me, I took it twice before I could get my license, waste so much money and time. Was suppose to her, but was too bz in the office, could not leave my platform so early. Hmm back to work…. tata

Mei Mei n Me

Me, Da Jie, Mei Mei

Jan, Me, Da Jie, Mei

Daryn, Jan

Me n Jan

Da Jie, Mei

Sentosa outing with the odac peep

2007-06-15T21:11:00.000+08:00

Ytd went sentosa with the usual bunch of ppl... so happy. finally getting my tanned. smiles. had a wonderful day tanning at Cafe de mar... but the drinks there was super expensive....

after a good tanning the whole bunch went dinner at Marche.... So expensive.... sob sob... was hoping that we settle our dinner somewhere cheap. but they wan to eat sth good. hai.

After dinner went to meet Wei Jiang, Allan, Ml, JJ and the rest. they were celebrating Jiang and Alex bday.... tot they will go somewhere after the dinner, but in the end all went home. Sob Sob.
where's the dargonfly??? sob no more.... haha... but actually i don wanna spend so much too. haha.

in the end all Went home and sleep. trying to find jobs lately. i am starting to get worried!!! who would employ mi for 2mth only then continue to let me do part time after that.

Angry

2007-06-06T22:58:00.000+08:00

i swear i gonna move out of the house the moment i have the ability to do it. Simply hate this feeling, no matter how much i try to tolerate her action i simply couldnt do it anymore. That's the problem of having so many sisters!!!! so idiotic!!! Angry!!!! Cant she just inform ppl when she need something for others? cant she put those things back to its original place after she use them? why cant she act more like an elder sister? Cant she respect others? Don you feel shameful taking your younger sister stuffs all the time? it is not that you cant take, i only wish that you could be more courteous. DO u know it is frustrating to see the clothes you wan to wear missing and to find your cupboard and waredrobe in a mess!!!!!!!!!! Plus, u talk damn loud!!!! i cant hear the dialog!!!! Angry....

----------End of Complaint---------

Bad Bad Day

2007-06-04T18:53:00.000+08:00

Thought today will be a good day, feeling ok and nothing much happen in the morning. But once I step out of the house grey sky seems to follow me all around.

First, I board the wrong train was suppose to take the Boon Lay Train but I board the Pasir Ris one, when I realised, I ran out the train and enter the train at the opposite side(Jurong East). After a few than I notice sth wrong. I board the wrong train again. Although it still goes to the destination I want but looking at the number of station before I reach Clementi make me consider changing to bus. So I End up in Orchard. Felt damn dot. So I called Sherry, since I m in town I might as well lunch with her. But she couldnt come out so early. So I Decided to take bus home, but I felt asleep and miss my stop, and see myself in front of West Mall. Hmmm..

Ok since I am there I walk around and shop a bit. Saw quite a few piece nice top. But I brought home none of them. They are either out of stock or last piece, stain or a little torn. Damn Sad.

Had lunch at Coffee Bean, studied a while but couldnt concentrate at all. Kept dozing off.. Then Allan and Jiang called. Thought I will be going out, but they went for DOTA instead. Sob. Since I am so tired I call it a day, pack my bag and off I go. HOME!!!

Damn Tired. Sob Bad Day Over!

2007-05-30T23:56:00.000+08:00

Yeah yeah three papers down…. One more to go…. Hopefully I can do better than last year. Was talking to Wei Jiang and allan the other day, they were asking me who will study with me next year when all of them are graduating this year. It is damn funny when i realised I wan studying with all the year 3 instead of the year 2. Wondering how come all the year 2 doesn’t study in school and why all of them stay so far away from school.
Think I will miss them next year esp this period of the year.

Anyway, I am glad that I actually know this bunch of frenzzz. The thoughts of All the late night studying in Mac, movie, supper and Chong Qing steamboat make mi miss u ppl alrdy.

Although today might be the last day I going to see some of them but I believe all of u will definitely ask mi out rite! *Jus wondering*

Sherry was feeling rather down lately, after hearing what she say make mi moody too. sob sob…. Hope she will be back to normal soon… saw her today, but her situation did not seems to improve. Moreover it was worse than before. Hai~~~ dunno what I can do to help her…

Thinking of going mambo to meet MEL, XIANG, JO, HAIRUL, CLEM n DEN. But I am too tired and broke… so I decided to stay home. Hmmm

Will be meeting ZC, Ban n Lynn on Friday, it was always nice to see them. Sitting down chatting with them make mi keep my mind off those taxing studies. We are all cognitive misers and wish to use as little brain cell as possible hope I could score distinction without doing any revision….. *HOPE*

K I am going to bed early today… havnt been enjoying my sleep for damn long. Today will be another long day for mi…. Study, eat, study, eat, sleep… the cycle continue till 13th june!!! Hmm
Sob sob

Night

Pic from the previous KTV session

2007-04-22T14:36:00.000+08:00

- KTV session Pic -

realised that i really dunno alot and very careless. the Study guide and examination report are driving me crazy... haha i have been wondering about wat i wanna be in the future, wat i wanna work as.... most probably wont be going into IT line. althought i wanna too. but i think with what i have now i cant get far. how many additional course and cert do i have to attain jus to be a delevoper. how can i move up the ladder if i only have limited knowledge. hmm....

2007-04-17T10:07:00.000+08:00

havnt been blogging as my room was attacked by bugs. at first i thought i was jus some bed bug so i ask my maid to sun my bed as well as change all the cover. moreover i tot i was my sister who brought back all those bugs from her hostel. it was till we realise that the our room was invaded by all kinds of buggy- silverfish is the only one that i recognise. Those bugs were crawling along the window from one end to another, on the table along the side of the bed and on the wall. the sight simply make mi itch. then we called the Pest control immediately, according to them, they suspect those bugs came from the big old tree at my neighbour place. Since my room is close to that tree it is not difficult for them to visit my room.

It have been two week since the pest control came, yet the moment i step into my room i still feel the tingering and itchy feeling. Have been sleeping in the living room for week, till the day my house is renovated i don think i will ever sleep in the room again. hmm..

Exam is round the corner!!! yet my revision pace was extremly slow. simply couldnt put my mind down and study, esp when i'm home. everytime i realise i am so far behind my fren i felt gulity and really wanna do more. for example, ivy have finish reading the Esap Textbook all she does now was jus to revise, yet i am still spending alots of time trying to understand the topic.
Deming have finish doing his Organisation Theory Notes and all he does not was to add more info to the notes and grab more info thru discussion. Jing and Joanne keep asking mi question regarding POA yet i havnt start revising that. i also dunno what i am doing why am i so slow, i always have the thinking that i am doing ok, i did constantly study in school, plan my timetable and topic to focus on each day. Yet i think i wasnt getting anywhere.

Perhaps i wasnt doing it the right way. so worried i couldnt finish what i intend to cover, esp when ppl spoil my plans, i will get very frustrated and irritated. i think it is time i have to concentrate and focus.

Other than me, my sibling and parent were facing lots of problems too. suddenly my parent co seriously lack of manpower, lose a big deal a week ago and so on... After hearing wat they face i also dunno how to help e situation. no matter how much i don wish to go down n help them, i try my best not to reject their request until they settle their problem.

time to go back to my books! tata

Time to Study!!!

2007-03-23T19:42:00.000+08:00

Was pretty lazy lately. suppose to be mugging yet i am here posting entry.
heard from my mummy, uncle finally manage to get a good buyer for my granny house. think i gonna miss my granny house alot. a place where i grew up, a place where i learn what is right and wrong and where all my childhood memories are.
Hmm, wonder will i still meet up with my cousin as much as we had. haha anyway i am happy that they got a good deal. smiles

i am super broke lately. Gonna save money!!!! Agreed with what Lyn wrote, we should try to earn our own living and not only depending on our parent. felt so guilty that i have been lazing around all this year, spending on my saving and getting allowance from my mum.

Actually wat i get was pretty enough for one whole month, but that exclude those birthday present, outing with frens and dinner with ur old sch mate. there are never ending birthday celebration and outing yet u cannot say u dont want to join in neither can u say u dont want to chip in for the gift. how to save when u need to spend so much? How to save money and yet not being a spoil sport. hmm

-- pic from cyn --
[[ sis n cousin ]]

[[ my beloved sisters ]]

[[ my family portrait ]]

[[ Sis n Cousins ]]

Miss the good old days

2007-03-21T01:12:00.000+08:00

The first entry after i change the layout. Hmm

Had quite a few gathering lately.

11 March 2007 - met the Secondary Peeps. So happy!!! Celebrated Banny's Birthday and had a great dinner. Yum Yum..

15 March 2007 - Went out for dinner with Poly Frens. Smiles. Simply miss the time when we were busying organising activities for the Club member.

17 March 2007 - Went for a moive with Sherry and some of her fren at Lido. Then went for a drink. Saw Daryn and his girl, they went cine for movie too. thats y mi n sherry decide to disappear from that area. smiles

Actually there are so much for mi to do. i really need to concentrate on my studies more, getting super worried about it.

hmm maybe tomorrow will be out with the Poly peeps again. Donno whether i should go or stay at home. Arg~~~~ When you are feeling dissonance what will you do solve the uncomfortable feeling???

-- Some Pics --
[[ Xiang, Me n Dennis ]]

[[ Clem n Dennis ]]

[[dinner @ NYDC]]

[[ Jo Me Xiang ]]

suppose to post this ytd hmm. so the dates is a bit off

2006-10-30T00:55:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I helped out with the SRC event called City Venture. It was an event that I did as a Year One student last year. Everything went well with the event but I somehow felt that what I did last year was better. However, the event was still pretty successful although there were quite a few setbacks. The committee this year consist of Adeline, Joan, Jie Chao, Jinxiang, Wei Fei, Yanling, QingLing, Marcus and some others whom I had forgotten their names, opps. Anyway there were a few things that happened.

The first setback that happened yesterday was the break down of our only mode of transportation, the lorry! How unfortunate. The lorry was supposed to ferry us all to our destinated stations and we all depended on it! Think the lorry broke down half way outside Fort Canning Hill in the middle of the road! It's so embarrassing and I have to jump out of the lorry with everyone watching. Anyway, the events still have to carry on and so we have to fork out our own money to take a cab down to the places. Due to the lorry break down, I was so worried that the whole event would be drastically affected. The teams were already on their way and what would have happened if they reach the stations without the Game masters around!! But somehow everything went on smoothly enough. After the things were set in motion, I suddenly found out that I had nothing to do! Haha… So I went to my various stations and chit chatted with the GMs there. We talk loads of stuff, mostly rubbish la. Haha. Apart from talking crap and rubbish I also got some time to do some shopping around at Cinileisure and also the Flee market.

Mid-Afternoon and the event were all in motion. I just sat at some stations and see how the teams were faring in each stations, some of the things that they will do to move on sometimes really makes me laugh! Haha, sort of entertainment haha. Somehow the ending of the event was in such a mess. Haiz, the day could have been good if they (the CV committee) knew what to do! But in all the event was completed and it was a success somehow. Oh and I nearly forgotten to congrats the winning team! Haha, congrats Allan! You guys deserve it! Guess I was also happy my friend’s team won. Haha. Erm, and NO! I did not commit any bribery!

After the event, me my Ai Ai, Zhixian, his gf, and the CV winning team went to the Sakae Sushi at Harbor Front for dinner. Wanted Allan’s team to treat! ^^ heehee, but in the end I still paid my own sobz! Hehe. Anyway I was on the way out to meet Sherry for a chat. After sending my Ai Ai home, I drove to Bishan to pick up Sherry. Head over to the liquid kitchen at Serangoon to meet Siew Cheng with Sherry for a cup of tea. After some chats I drove them home before driving home myself. Along the way I met with a small accident that really freaked me out. My car hit the curb, there was also some screeching sounds. I was so afraid that the car was damaged. But anyway I got back home safe and sound, at least. I was dead tired!!! Shouldn't have gone out when I know I am so tired after CV. Hmm…

Woo Woo

2006-09-19T11:14:00.000+08:00

Had a great day on saturday!!! thanks ppl. smiles. Will upload the pic pic soon. smiles. Thanks again.

Expecting an interesting life ahead!!!

2006-08-23T11:25:00.000+08:00

Exam result will be release at the end of the month, keep having bad dreams. Got this really uncomfortable feeling and that I will be disappointed by my result. Anyway cleared my room and kept all the lecture notes away, had to make space for new lecture notes. Cant wait for school to reopen!!!

Have been complaining a lot recently, was totally piss off by things that some 'mo mo' guys did. Ask me to rush things out for you yet I don see you doing your part!!!! Don't ask mi to do things and give me dateline!!!!! So wat if I rush it out for you, you will still leave it untouched until you are free to use it right. Then next time tells me when you are free instead and I will give whatever u wan the day before!!!!

If you ppl don't appreciate what ever I am doing then I am not going to help anymore!!!! For goodness sake, show some gratitude to ppl that have offered you help!!!! It is not expensive to thanks ppl that have helped you!!! STOP BEING STINGY!!!! I'm not going to mention it anymore, becos I think you all r hopeless. Nobody ever mention this before and I guess u guys are nv going to thanks ppl that have given you aid when u need it.
(By the way I am not saying that you have to thx me, ppl that you have to thanks are those sponsors and others, a letter of appreciation or sth. Do you know what Courtesy is!!!)

Felt out of place at times but I don really cares. Smiles!!! gonna do whatever I want!!!
Was thinking about things that I wanna accomplished in my twenties and came out a list of it:

* Get my Class 2B license, follow by a Vespa!!!
* Learn diving (basic - advance - master) hahahha!
* Learn Mui Thai (dunno how to spell)
* I wanna try wake boarding, cable ski, surfing...
* Pick up Yoga? Hmm still thinking - pending list
* Learn how to use PhotoShop
* Learn Culinary (Jan you wan to teach me???) esp pastry
* Learn to Makeup, as in maybe I can be a profession makeup artist in the future. Hahhah
* Learn to do facial. (so I can setup my own facial parlor next time)
* Learn Ballroom Dance
* Pick up a new language

There are just so much to learn, But Bo Money!!! So sad!!! Even I got the money I need to pay for this and that where got enough for all the above!! Smiles... this list haven't end, Jus that I yet to identify them.

Will you accompany Me throughout the whole journey?

2006-08-21T13:57:00.000+08:00

O.o rainning!!! what issit like to sit on the bus the whole day and travel ard sg.
Change from bus to bus. Observe the surrounding, the ppl, the landscape and all the different type of lifestyle in sg.

Hmm Where can i gain the strength i want to do everything i have in mind. wheres all the fun i used to have? Wheres all the laughter i used to hear. wheres all the noise?

Wondering why my heart always seek, search and explore alone. "The Heart is a lonely Hunter."

some pic to share.......

2006-07-20T19:17:00.000+08:00

i miss him alot.... yet i have no choice.... my heart tell mi that i have to do that.... yet i couldnt do it.... i havnt been there for you cos of my stupid ego.... i noe i couldnt give u wat u wanna. hope u will alws be there....

O.o I got new hairstyle

2006-07-12T01:42:00.000+08:00

Heee Hee Went out With Mellisa ytd and had a hair cut... haha will upload the pic tomolo.... tired lo... want to Orh... And to my dear Cuzzy, pls find some free time for your cuzzy too... alws so Bz..... Hmm tomolo then Blog... Tata... Miss Ya PPl, esp Ms Lyn, Mr Cuzzy, Mr Cuzzy's Cuzzy on so onzzzzz. NiteZ.....

Angry!!1

2006-06-11T14:51:00.000+08:00

Arg left one only...
----------------------------------------

So bored... i wanna work but i am lazy to look for job...
i don wan job with comittment.
Lynn: i tot u wanna intro mi job!!! hahaha
anyway u all are also my most beloved, treasured and faithful fren...
Long to see u guys....
-----------------------------------------

Those that know mi well should know i have a complex heart...
constantly having problem...
dunno how to solve....
jus wan to escape....
Run away!!!!!
I'm nt happy. how happy can i be????
-----------------------------------------

can U be my source of energy????
can U bring happiness to me????
can i give u want u want?????
am i the one u looking for???
can love really solve our prob????

i noe it is not about love anymore...
u noe it yourself....
we don understand each other....
we misinterpret each other actions and words.....
we are irritated by each other...
yet we noe it is hard to part....

all this while meaningful to U?
how u judge whether it is meaningful or not???
it hurts the both of us when we talk abt this over an over again....
but y there is no answer or solution to the prob...
----------------------------------

Hmm thats all for today....

photos

2006-05-31T12:27:00.000+08:00

will blog again..... tata miss u ppl... muackz

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

2006-03-29T15:34:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: September 21

You're a restless rebel with an unpredictable nature.
Bright but unbridled, you tend to seek out wild experiences over new ideas.
People are frustrated by your great potential, but you love your unconventional life.
You're a heartbreaker. People get attached to you, and then you're gone.

Your strength: Your thirst for adventure

Your weakness: Not taking time for slow pleasures

Your power color: Hot pink

Your power symbol: Figure eight

Your power month: March

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Heartfelt word

2006-02-24T13:10:00.000+08:00

Suddenly I felt emotional. I dunno why after reading her blog i felt as if I am back to that situation I once gone through. You make mi see my own act, all the evil that I have done to him and myself. Everything seems to be playing in my mind, reminiscences of my past. You make me feel the pain the two of you have gone through all this while. You show the passion the two of you share. You show me how much two can do jus to be with each other. Yet I have not done much for my own relationship. I am guilty, guilty of everything that I have done all along. But he never failed to forgive mi.

We quarrelled, we threaten to break each other heart, and we shout at each other, jus because we are both strong head. I dunno why I am so attach to you that I no longer want to move and mundane at the current status. I wish I could change for you too but my too playful heart never seems to get tried of playing and stop. I told you I will try to change yet time after time I am still as playful as ever. Is this the 'ME' that you like? Will you still love me if I am no longer the playful and mischievous me and turn into someone totally opposite?

Hmm wondering if you miss those days we camp outside marina square, chatting about our life? The time we used to study together? The morning calls I used to give you? The nagging jus to get you wake up and go to sch with me? And those days you used to estimate the time I reach home hoping to get me in time.

As time pass we start to pick on each other flaws and eventually turn our face away each other. Thinking back the time when I was so bothered about this matter. I cried, but I never did once tell anyone about how I felt exactly. Some might know a little but I barely touch on the surface only. I kept everything to myself, because you hate it when I talk to my friend about how I felt about everything, you hate it when I share with others our problems.

Think about it now. Am I still the gal you knew initially? Am I still the gal you use to like and adore so much in the past? Do you still love me as much as before? I tell myself never to expect so much unless you did contribute and put in effort. My perception towards love is so different from those friends of mine as well as my dearest one. This could also be the main reason why I always quarrel with you.

I'm in no position to comment on others relationship jus hoping mine will be better as the days passes. Smiles Hmm, tired lo. Go org org le tata.

It is because the lack of intimacy that the relationship stray. If you are bored then read this story, quite meaningful. Cherish your loved ones.

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom. This was the scene of ten years ago. The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid, I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes. Dew came into my life. It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her. Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, would be very attractive to girls. Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldnt' help doing so. I moved Dew's hands aside and said, you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I 've got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me. However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment. One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldnt imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious. When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes. Once again, Dew said to me, Divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more. When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I 've got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didnt know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I raised a serious topic calmly. She didnt t seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! At that night, we didnt talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew. With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement, which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce, which had obsessed me for several weeks, seemed to be firmer and clearer. A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again. She brought up her divorce conditions: she didnt want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didnt want him to see our marriage was broken. She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning. I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form. I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, let us start from today, don t tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I had not looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face. On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became more vague. On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didnt tell Dew about this. I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, it seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown fatter. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head. Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old. I held her tightly and said, both you and I didnt notice that our life was lack of such intimacy. I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious. She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I wont divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didnt value the details of life, not because we didnt love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office. When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife, which was her favourite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, I 'll carry you out every morning until we are old. Sometimes we are so comfortable living in the love showered by our love ones that we take things for granted. It takes a true heart to give and sacrifice, so treasure and never shatter it.

Stupid face!!

Sick again!!!

2005-12-28T20:28:00.000+08:00

Falling ill again, my body is getting weaker and weaker as days past. Think it's gonna do with the lack of exercise. Hmm... Even since I step into this stage of my life I start to fall ill frequently. Maybe this is my retribution, made many mistakes yet I did not repent nor bring it to a stop.

I know it is suicide if I continue to live in this lazy attitude. Have been wondering how I survive till this stage of my life. Remember I wasn't a bright person at all, yet I manage to pull through and get to where I am now. Never expect a person like me could get into a Uni. I know it might not be a good one, might even graduate with a lousy Certificate (if I don study hard) but I am still glad I make it so far.

As compare to many others I am considered very lucky, cos I have parents who could support me till now, plus I do not have to struggle for a living neither do I have to take care to any siblings. Practically have no burden on my shoulder at all. Although I don have to earn my own school fees but I tried and I know it is tiring to work and study at the same time. I might not be as rich as what you see its jus that I'm a little better off, I could afford almost everything I need however I'm also required to earn for my wants like many others does (they don jus come to me for free).

Overall I am jus a average gal from a average income family. I don't have the luxury to buy myself LV or Gucci wallet neither do I wanna spent my money on Birkenstock Papillio sandals, I hate asking ppl for my wants; also hate those ppl asking their boy/gal friend for this and that. Ppl your partners are not for you to exploit!!! opps i think thats none of my biz. I like going on Dutch, of cos my bf do pay for me but I do treat him back when I can. Anyway that's not wat I wanna blog about.

Wanna talk about X'mas but I think there isn't anything much for me to talk about. I enjoyed it very much thou, with that bunch of fun peep in my life and those unforgettable memories and happenings, I glad that we are still as close as before.

Hmm... Pondering... Regardless which aspects of my life, I seem to fail terribly, it might not be completely true but at least to me I think I failed. I am jus born lazy, plus I never did excel in any other area too. I'm such a pain to my parents. Hmm hmm my education was tough, so as my relationship with ppl. I don have good rapport with my parents, we seldom talk, needless to say, misunderstanding often arise. I have a very different mindset from my parents. I knew they can never understand how much I wanna do things my way and eventually I hurt them by doing those things.

I might seem to have a lot of friends, but most of them were merely hi-bye friends. It's hard to find true friends in this world. I have weird character and often ppl couldn't make out what is in my mind. However i do have real good friends and sista. esp ppl like mich, Lynn, and many others. Hmm think I shall end this entry with 10 things about me. (Some are things that u might already have know if u hang out with me often)

Hmm Lets see...

1. I'm a fickle-minded, indecisive & hot-tempered person.

2. Hate being alone. I'm not so much of an attention seeker but would like to have his attentions.

3. I'm very temperamental; can choose to be emotional or get really cold and heartless.

4. I don have a particular interests neither do I have something I really love. As long as I have a little interest in it, I don mind joining in.

5. I'm a practical person. I only like practical stuffs, so no softy toys or flowers. Unless I ask for it or it is of significances.

6. I love being adored by the one and only one in my life.

7. I love to eat and don mind spending on good food.

8. I'm simply lazy to contact my friends. Rather get bored to death at home then call ppl out.

9. I hate to explain myself, if u think I'm good then I will be good, if u think I'm evil then let me be the evil one. Bwahahahha.

10. I'm never contented and I can't get enough of my life. To me there isn't anything that's enough.

Hmm the above 10 things wasn't good enough to describe the person I am. Hmm I shall do a better one next time round. Pardon my language. I am lousy in writing!!!

Holiday Mood!!!

2005-12-19T16:26:00.000+08:00

Hmm... It's Holiday Season. Yet I'm still studying.. sob sob was pretty happy I handed up all my assignment last week, and thought I could finally rest for a week or so without thinking of assignment. However the moment I enter ISDM class, I saw the notice on the board "Assignment 4 up on class system, deadline: 8th Jan 2006". Sob Sob Moreover I got a test on the 4th of Jan 2006. I foresee an interesting year ahead waiting for me.

So much to spend on lately, got to think of gifts and presents for ppl around me. Smiles! This Saturday gonna celebrate Xmas cum those ppl who are born in the month of Nov Dec And Jan. Hmm Gifts, presents gonna cost me a bomb.

Dunno what happen to all my money!!! Think I spent too much on food and stuff that I cant see and feel now i.e cab fare, movie and outing. Hmm. Dunno what to get for Chao B and Lynette, What about my family member and close peep. Wish I could get everyone something, but the jobless and penniless me can do nothing much. Hmm gonna find ways to get some cash. Maybe I should buy 4D or toto this week hahahha. There are jus too many things I wanna get, so many desires and wants. Guess I should try to save a little.

Since I am low in budget guess gonna buy a bigger cake for those who birthday peep and D.I.Y rest of the gift and present (very cheapo but no choice). I might not even have time to D.I.Y the gift. Hmm hmm sianzzz

Actually I got all my needs, therefore there is nothing much I wanna get for myself. And as for all the wants, I guess I should put them behind my mind until I got $$$$.

Wishes for yr 2006:
Score good grade for all my paper
Change my bad habit, be more hardworking and patience.
Be more decisive
Hopefully get my riding license by nxt 3 month. Gonna enroll to BBDC again.

Wants:
Sony digital cam, DSC-T9/B heehee
Sony PSP-1006K for my dear dear
Roxy watches. Love it, but I forget the model le.
Tiffany & Co. Necklaces
Sell my CREATIVE & BUY myself IPOD!
New Phone
A car of my own
If I got my riding license, I wish to own a vespa.

Hmm...

How I wish I could everything above. Hahha but those are all my wants. What I wish to have is to see ppl around happy. Like to see happy face around me, it gives me extra strength to do my stuffs. Hopefully you are happy too!

Tiring Day!!!

2005-12-07T22:27:00.000+08:00

Chao B finally POP lo. Wanna post pic but dunno why the comp keep hanging. Manage to get one pic uploaded!!! hmm hmm anyway i did a little personality quiz. Pretty accurate! Smiles

Fun is most important in your life.

Having a high focus on fun indicates that you value your own enjoyment over anything else. And there is nothing wrong with that. Your motto is we're here for a good time - not a long time.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Trust!!!

2005-12-05T14:16:00.000+08:00

trust is me telling the truth.
trust is you believing me.
trust is me not being afraid.
trust is you not making me.

deep down within, i hope real hard
deep down within, i scream and shout
deep down within, i cant help but cry
deep down within, i think theres no way out

for what once had has now been lost
for that i blame myself
for childish as this thought may sound
for that long gone i sorely miss

trust we had so long ago.
trust which i destroyed.
trust is what we need again
trust for me and you

all i can give is a simple word...sorry
all i can give is a simple thought...happiness
all i can give is a simple emotion...love
all i can give is a simple thing...my heart

i just need you to forgive me...
without you i have nothing i want to give

Too Bored!!!

2005-12-04T23:52:00.000+08:00

I am jus too bored to do anything else!!! Lastest Pic!!!!

listen

2005-12-03T10:54:00.000+08:00

There are times when we are timid and shy about expressing the love we feel. For fear of embarrassing the other person, or ourselves, we hesitate to say the actual words. We try to communicate the idea in other words. We say take care or don't drive too fast?

We are sometimes very strange people. The only thing we want to say, and the one thing that we should say, is the one thing we don't say. And yet because the feeling is so real, and the need to say it is so strong, we are driven to use other words and signs to say what we really mean. And many times the meaning never gets communicated at all and the other person is left feeling unloved and unwanted.

Sometimes the explicit words are necessary, but more often, the manner of saying things is even more important. A joyous insult carries more affection and love within the sentiments, which are expressed insincerely. An impulsive hug says i love you, even though the words might be saying something very different.

We say I love you in many ways - with birthday gifts, and little notes, with smiles and sometimes with tears. Sometimes we show our love by just keeping quiet and not saying a word, at other times by speaking out, even harshly. We show our love sometimes by impulsiveness.

Many times we have to show our love by forgiving someone who has not listened to the love we have tried to express. A girl may use tears or emotions to say what she wants to say, and her boyfriend may not understand her because he expects her to be talking his language.

The problem with our world is that people rarely listen to each other. We hear the words, but we don't listen to the actions that accompany the words or the expression on the face. Or people listen only for rejection or misunderstanding. We do not see the love that is there just beneath the surface, even if the words are angry.

People, talking without speaking; people hearing without listening; people writes songs that voices never shared, because no one dared disturb the sound of silence...

We have to listen for love in those around us. If we listen intently we will discover that we are a lot more loved than we realise.

There are many times I tried to listen but external attributes are too overwhelming which make me fail to hear you. I'm sorry. But I will try.

Chao B
After talking to you last night I guess I understand how you felt a little more. Knowing that I'm wrong yet I still persist in doing it. I know how insecure you felt, I know how much you fear to see me leave one day silently (but you say you are prepared, if one day I'm really gone. Hmm! Contradicting!). I just hope you have a little faith in me and believe me. You Know I'm playful and you know I'm just trying to get the most out of my life.

Since the day you step into my life you changed me, Change me slowly into the person I'm now! The ways I look at things change tremendously, my perception towards the same things change too.

You see me differently too, sometime I'm just a simple gal that need protection, that want care and concern, that want all your attention and nothing else and someone that is totally handicap without you.

You say I can never take care of myself always worries you, how I wish you can be there to nag at me and force me to eat and drink.
At time I really wish I had never gone through so much, too much till I appear to be a person I sometime don't even recognise.

Suddenly thought of what you wrote to me 3yrs back:
You say I'm just like cactus -
"You can withstand the most intense heat yet you won't wither. You prick people when you bei song them! Water is stored inside you to provide you with sufficient nutrients to last but for how long?"

Truly speaking I still don't understand. Hahahha Anyway I never regretted being with ya. And I am glad that you actually step into my world.

This part of the entry is too fragmented; I simply type whatever is going through my mind at that moment. There are so much more I want to say but it is hard to say it out explicitly. That's all for now.

Shopping Spree!!!

2005-11-29T19:41:00.000+08:00

o.O I went shopping today with Mellisa, sob sob was not suppose to be shopping! Was suppose to go home and get my assignment done but in the end was dragged to Great World City sob sob!!! Spend money on 3 stuffs all cost $29.90 each. Chao B gonna kill me if he know I went shopping. Sob sob. After shopping we went for Ice cream, it was delicious!!!! Super broke now!!!

Decide to work to earn some cash!!! Have been spending pretty much lately!!!! High expenses but no input at all. If everything goes well I might be working at the accessories shop that Mellisa recommend (she works there too). Hopefully I can earn some spare cash for more shopping. Smiles.

Tomolo joining the ODAC ppl for badminton!!!! Yuppy!!! Finally got to play!!!! Smiles

Saturday will be meeting those secondary school peeps!!! Smiles, Miss them so much!!!! But Chao B cannot join us! He can only book out on Sunday!!!! Hmm that’s all ba!!! Another long week to go!!!!

Sleep-all-you-want weekend

2005-11-28T12:00:00.000+08:00

Had a wonderful weekend with Chao B, it was a sleep-all-you-want weekend. Watched movie and anime for two conservative nights, Harry Poter and Saw 2, and munching chips for the past two days. Chips and more Chips! After movie we went home and sleep, wake up for anime and went back to sleep again. Haha Smiles! Slept too much till I get so lethargic to even move my leg!

On Saturday, Chao B accompanied me home to get my clothes for Sunday Charity Walk and we were hoping that my parent will be home early so I can drive him out for dinner. We waited from afternoon till night, till my sista was back, there were still no sight of my parent. In the end we decide to catch a movie.

Went for the charity walk organizes by SRC-Sport ytd, and Chao B accompanied me there too! So Happy!!! Doll up Chao B and make him dress like me. Heehee... Did a little running and went for breakfast with Mich, Her Sunshine, Jo, Yang Yang and later JS join in. Breakfast at Toa Payoh so marvelous wish I had a bigger stomach so I can fill it with more FOOD!!! After breakfast, everyone goes their own way, went comic shop with Chao B and head home after that. Hmm....

I like all my peeps; they brought so much laughter to me. I'm never bored with your presence.

Chao B, I'm sorry for being so short-tempered. Smiles but I noe you are used to it le, and u noe I don't flare for nothing. Hee hee so happy to see ya! Chao B, Pls believe me ya! Smiles.

And lastly I wan Mummy to noe this, I noe I am too playful, always go against you and do stuffs that you don like. I apologies! I noe you are worried about me, jus let me play yar! When I get bored of it, I will definitely stop! You know this daughter of yours is forever so playful de. Smiles.

As long as I am happy, I believe many things can be done.

Quote of the day

Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be.

William Hazlitt (1778 - 1830)

Saw || Nice!!! 4 Pop Corn!!!

2005-11-27T01:36:00.000+08:00

The MOVIE 'SAW 2'

Synopsis of the show:

Jigsaw is back for more gory fun in SAW II, but this time he comes out from behind the mask to terrorize a troubled cop face-to-face. Tobin Bell reprises his brief role as Jigsaw in the first film with a major starring turn in the sequel. Dying of cancer, Jigsaw lets himself get caught, only to show Detective Eric Matthews (Donnie Wahlberg) that his son, Daniel (Erik Knudsen), has been taken hostage with seven other people, all of whom have been placed in a house of horrors with only the slimmest chance of escaping with their lives.

Jigsaw promises Matthews that Daniel will live only if the cop follows the rules of the game, but time is running out, as the captives' bodies have been poisoned with a toxin that will soon destroy them. Meanwhile, in the dank, mysterious, booby-trapped house, the ever-more-desperate group of people (including Shawnee Smith, who is back as Amanda, the lone survivor of SAW) furiously try to find their connection to each other and a way out, but blood and violence lie in their path. Like its predecessor, SAW II is a frightening thriller filled with plenty of tricks and treats to satisfy even the most jaded horror fan.

Empty!!!!

2005-11-26T16:33:00.000+08:00

I suddenly lost all my words, they seem to have gone to another dimension or maybe they apply leave and gone for holiday without notifying me.
Starring at my blog hoping something will pop into my mind. Hmm Nope! There isn't anything I wanna blog about.
Don really wan to blog about unhappy happening! I don wanna vandalize my blog with ugly name!!!
Kay, since I am not suppose to do anything here I shall study. Smiles! tata

Quote of the day!

If you do not wish to be prone to anger, do not feed the habit; give it nothing which may tend to its increase.

EpictetusRoman (Greek-born) slave & Stoic philosopher (55 AD - 135 AD)

Memories Lane!

VoiceOut 2004/2005

Updates

2005-11-18T22:57:00.000+08:00

O.o hi all, opps havnt been updating my bloggy, heehee still bumping ard.

Lately Bulletin Board:
1st - I pass my driving!!! Hahaha!!!! Looking forward to drive on my OWN!
2nd - Attended Irene and Michelle 21st Birthday!!!
3rd - I found out that there is another stats class on Wed Morning. Heehee dun have to attend sat class and no need to change my IBM class. Smiles
4th - There are 2 assignment due in 2 weeks time (ISDM and IBM). There is 1 overdue assignment yet to be done hahaha (ISDM). Sociology assignment coming up too… Bored!!!

Mich bday party

Tomorrow morning got Stats class. After lesson I got NO WHERE TO GO!!! Boi won't be booking out sob sob. I'm Bored.

Jus now while mapling, I found one snowboard. Heehee lucky me!!! At least I don have to hunt that long to get one. Heehee.

And jus now while browsing the web; I saw this page displaying all the coming up movie attractions. To my surprise, I saw the poster of the movie 'SAW ', I like the movie 'SAW' pretty much so I am expecting this one to be a good one too...

Hmm. Gonna be quite bz this month. Will be planning a small gathering with my buddy, guess I got lots of phone calls to make. Have to make sure that those guys book out on that day and the gals are not having any papers. Hmm, gonna be tired. K thinks that's all I gotta say. Smiles

Memories

Band members

Miss the time we blade. Smiles

Take care my frenz!! The weather is pretty unpredictable lately.

Supper!!!

2005-11-03T02:25:00.000+08:00

Today Had supper with Mich and gang at geylang. Hee Hee Nice Food.

Mich n Mi!!!

The Story of Tree, Leaf and Wind

2005-10-30T09:51:00.000+08:00

===Abstracted from John Bloggy===

TREE
The reason I'm called Tree is because I'm good at painting trees. Over time I started to paint a tree in the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolor paintings. I had dated 5 girls when I was in Pre-U. There's one girl whom I loved a lot but never dared go after. She didn't have a pretty face, nor a good figure, or outstanding charm. She was just a very ordinary girl.I like her. I really like her. Like her innocence, her frankness. Like her cuteness, her intelligence and her fragility. My reason for not going after her was that I felt somebody so ordinary was not good enough for me. I was also afraid that if we got together all the special feelings I had would vanish. I feared that other people's gossiping would hurt her. I also felt that if she was meant to be my girl, she would be mine ultimately and I didn't have to give everything up just for her. The last reason made her stay with me for 3 years. She watched me chase after other girls for 3 years, and I made her heart cry for 3 years.She wanted to be a good actress and I was a very demanding director. When I kissed my second girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smiled and said "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes were swollen like walnuts. I purposely ignored what had caused her to cry and instead, laughed at her the whole day. When everyone else went back home, she sat alone crying in the classroom. She didn't know that I had returned from soccer training to get something. I watched her cry for an hour or so. My fourth girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them quarrelled. I know that based on her character she was not the one who had started off the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at her and her eyes were filled with shock. I didn't care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she still laughed and joked with me as though nothing had happened. I know that she was very hurt but she didn't know that my heart ached as badly as hers. When I broke up with my fifth girlfriend, I asked her out. After going out for a day, I told her that I had something to tell her. She told me that coincidentally, she had something to tell me too. I told her about my break-up and she told me about her getting together with someone else. I know who the guy was. He had been going after her for quite a while. He was a very cute guy who was full of energy, lively and interesting. His pursuit for her had been the talk of the school.I couldn't let her know how my heart ached but could only smile and congratulate her. When I reached home, my heart ached so bad that I can't stand it. There was like a heavy weight upon my chest. I couldn't breathe. I wanted to shout but couldn't. Tears rolled down and I broke down and cried. How many times have I seen her cry for the man that didn't even acknowledge her presence?During graduation, I read an SMS in my handphone. It was sent 10 days ago when I broke down and cried, but I hadn't read it since then. It said, "Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay."

LEAF
During Pre-U days, I liked to collect leaves. Why? Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree she has relied on for so long it takes a lot of courage. During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a guy. Not the BGR kind but the buddy kind. But when he had his first girlfriend, I learned a feeling I never should have learnt - jealousy. The sourness inthe heart couldn't be described using a lemon. It's Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 months. When they broke up, I hid my strong sense of happiness. But after a month, he got together with another girl.I like him and I know he likes me. But why wouldn't he pursue me? Since he loved me why didn't he make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would ache. T ime after time, my heart was hurt again and again. I began to suspect this was a one sided love. But if he didn't like me, why did he treat me so well? It's beyond what you would do for a normal friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I may know his likes, his dislikes, his habits, etc. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't expect me, a girl, to ask him right?Despite all this, I still wanted to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him, love him, hoping that one day, he will love me too. I waited for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me SMS. I know that no matter how busy he was, he would make time for me. Because of this, I waited for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go through and I really wanted to give up. At times, I wondered whether I should continue waiting. The pain, the hurt, and the dilemma accompanied me for 3 long years.Towards the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior began to go after me. Everyday he pursued me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in time when I felt that I was willing to let him have a small footing in my heart. He's like a warm and gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree. In the end, I realized that I didn't want to give this wind just asmall footing in my heart. I know this wind will bring this badly battered leaf far away to a better land. Finally I left Tree. But Tree only smiled and didn't ask me to stay. Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.

WIND
I like a girl called Leaf. Because she's so dependent on Tree, I have to be a gust of Wind, a wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was one month after I transferred to the new school. I saw a petite girl looking at my seniors and I playing soccer. During CCA time, she would always be sitting there looking at him, be it alone or with her friends. When he talked with other girls, there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's happiness in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit, the way she liked to look at him.One day, she wasn't there. I felt something was amiss. I can't explain the feeling except that it's a sense of uneasiness. The senior was also not there. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scold her. Tears were in her eyes when he left. T he next day, I saw her at her usual place looking at him. I walked over and smiled at her, took out a note and gave it to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled and accepted the note. The next day, she passed me a note and left.Leaf's heart is too heavy and Wind couldn't blow her away.It's not that Leaf's heart is too heavy. It is because Leaf never wanted to leave Tree. I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me and accepted my presents and phone calls. I know that the person she loved wasn't me. But I had the perseverance that one day, I could make her like me. Within 4 months, I had declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she would divert away from the topic. But I never gave up. If I decided I wanted her to be mine, I would definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I had declared my love for her. Although I knew she would try to divert, I still had a small glimmer of hope, hoping that she would agree to be my girlfriend. I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone, so I asked "What are you doing? Why didn't you reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head." "Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears. "I'm nodding my head," she replied loudly. I hung up the phone, changed quickly, took a taxi, rushed to her place and pressed her door bell. When she opened the door. I hugged her tightly. Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.

Tired

2005-10-29T21:12:00.000+08:00

For consecutive two days, I only ate two Burger for the whole day. Hai so unhealthy! Had Netball Match today, how I wish I slept throughout the day and never had to wake up... Took cab all the way to Temasek Polytechnic, wasted 14+ on that damn cab. Sianz. Lost all game, injure myself a little (my leg is aching), Dehydrated, Hungry (skip my breakfast and lunch) but at least I enjoyed the process hahahha. There are moment where I get really pissed but I think there is nth I say cos I really don play Netball. Damn Tired today, quite burned but I guess it was still ok for me. Plus the journey home was so darn long, slept almost 3/4 of the journey, was jus freaking tired.

Rollar blading with Mich and gang tomorrow... hope I won't be late… pretty tired lately... after trekkin, I start to do sport more, hopefully I can continue.

I am wondering y I didn't blog about trekking; I guess I really got nth much to say about it. It wasn't physically challenging, the view was ok I guess, or maybe I donno how to appreciate it. Hahah but I came to know some fun peeps. Upload a few trekking pic on friendster, too lazy to post all on photobucket. That's all about the trekking.

Mood: Happi!!!

HAte U!

2005-10-27T20:56:00.000+08:00

Y does you to horn so darn many times? The fucking gate is struck rite. Stop shounting ard. i don owe u anything. Thats's y i hate to stay at home! Wake up your darn stupid idea. I hate YOU!!! YOU make my day suck!

Trekking!!!!!!

2005-10-22T12:07:00.000+08:00

Will be out of town for the weekend... heehee going trekking at Jerangkang. Will be back on Sunday, so ppl if u wanna look for me wait till Sunday evening k.. smiles. Miss ya all.

Now i am worried about my assignment and Maths Test next week. hmm hmm k cya. gonna pack my baggy. Leaving town in the evening. Tata

will post pic pic when I'm back.

Random Posts

2005-10-19T20:48:00.000+08:00

It has been raining for days!!! Simply hate the rain, make mi so darn moody... hmm
Was suppose to study in school after lesson, but I couldn't find kakis. Sianz...
I'm bored to tear!!! Hmm

While I'm walking home today, many ideas appear in my brain. There is just so many things I wanna do lately, I wanna play badminton, sun-bathe, roller blade, cycle, shop, Talk to you more. Ppl!!! I wanna play badminton next week hahahhaha. But I doubt I have the time to do everything.

I am having lots of fun ever since I enter SIM, bumping ard everyday, joining several CCA, attending meetings, joining activities jus make me so occupied. Hmm however the best things that happen was those peeps that came into my life, especially gurlies like Mich and Hazel. I jus lub all of you!!!

Reflection
Who doesn't love the feeling of being loved? At least I know I loved the feeling of being love. I love being dote, I love being notice but I guess I am in that dreamy state a little too long to think what I really want. The need for attentions have never cross my mind, erm maybe I am wrong to say that it have never cross my mind, I guess attention is not so important to me ba but I still want your attention. hahahahahahaha
Opps... Felt so damn selfish and inconsiderate. Sorry being so ignorance to so many things that happen. Sorry being so selfish all this while. Having my own fun and neglected your feeling. Actually I dunno what I am doing. Hmm...
I like to talk things out, tends to share my thoughts with ppl ard me and hope to get some enlighten while talking to them. I am thinking issit possible to really shut all my thoughts with myself? I guess that is impossible. However, I will give a thought to whatever u tell me ytd. I am seriously thinking about the consequences of all my behaviour and actions. Anyway I blog because I couldn't study, my mind keep wander off. Really wan to settle my thoughts and concentrate on my school work. Ciao~ makan time!

Mood Analysis

2005-10-10T09:45:00.000+08:00

Give it a try..

Mood Analysis Test!

From Crystal's Blog

Title : You And Me

2005-10-09T22:42:00.000+08:00

Artist : Lifehouse

What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive

The end of CV

2005-10-09T03:30:00.000+08:00

Finally! The end of CV, was hoping that this day pass faster, no more weekend at Raffles, Chinatown and Boat Quay. Thanks to all the GM! I know it is kind of boring but you all still stay on. Luv Ya all. Sorry all for disappointing you all (esp. to the two lovable MICH). Didn't do a good job in this event, felt pretty bad actually. And thanks KP for helping me out at the very last minutes. Love the committee too! Will miss you ppl!

Had Steamboat with the rest after the event and then celebrate a super super belated birthday too. Haha. Didn't really enjoy my day, it was tiring and annoying too. Broke a few promises and make people unhappy.

Dunno why I am still so awake at this moment. There are many things that I want to tell you and let you know. I dunno how to put it across to you neither do I know how I should change this weakness of me. Felt that my world suddenly turned dark because you are unhappy. I don wan to see u unhappy.

I'm playful, I'm stubborn, I'm selfish, very self-centred, but I do get jealous, worry and anxious all because of you. When you say you are going out, I keep wondering who's with you. U say I don't know them, make mi ponder more. I kept thinking and thinking! Guess I shall stop before my mind wanders further. NIte ppl!

Another Bz weekend coming up!

2005-10-07T11:18:00.000+08:00

Here comes another weekend, had gone through quite lot lately but quite a surprising week though. Hmm. Busy with my test as well as preparing for City Venture. City Venture is Tomorrow! So excited! Thank you everyone for making this event possible.

My mind was pretty occupied lately too. Got a lot to think about, had this plan of studying in school after my lesson. Got a lot to catch up this month, guess I need to find kakis to study with me too! Maths assignment and ISDM assignment is such a pain. Sob sob

When for movie with Mich on Wed nite, quite a lengthy Korean show, a love story about a man and a woman who meet when their unfaithful spouses are involved in a serious car accident. If u likes Korean love story I think you will enjoy it ba hahhaha! After that we went supper at Mac and had a nice talk. Miss her too!!

Btw I signed up for the Jerangkang trek ytd together with the two lovable MICH. Heehee

Gona stop here, need to jump quest for my mei mei lo. PPl I miss ya all. Smiles

Not Happy

2005-10-04T19:59:00.000+08:00

Not happy = not Happy
Dont need any reason.
Leave me alone.
Dont ask me why.
Just Unhappy With this darn World.
Whats happening to me!
Why cant i be just childish for a while
Why cant you pardon me.
All i wan your understanding.
Can u give me that?
Can u listen?
Can u open your heart and feel?
Can u open ur darn eyes and see for yourself?
This is not what I want.

Let me be alone for the time being
Don call saying u care and wanna help
Don call just because u wan to noe
Don call jus because u think u should care
Don call to give advice
Don call to prove me wrong
I don need this.

I don want to flare my temper.
I don want to throw tantrums.
I only wan some attention.

I am not a little gal.
Don treats me like them
Don pleases me like how u did to others
Don act like u noe mi when u don
Don even try to act like u understand me

Don take me for granted jus because I forget things easily.
Don make use of me.
Don restrict me.
Don lecture me.
I don need those from u.
I had enuff.
enuff of being mistaken
enuff of all those crap.
Dont want to talk abt it = dont wan to talk abt it anymore.
Shut up and go away.

Girl view and Guy answer

2005-10-03T23:33:00.000+08:00

WHAT A GIRL TELLS A GUY:
if you see me walking the road with someone else, it's not because i like his company. it's because you're not brave enough to walk beside me. if you hear me talking about him all the time, it's not because he pleases me. it's because you're too deaf to hear my heartbeat. if you feel me falling with someone new, it's not because i love him. it's because you were not there to catch me fall. if you feel lost, i too am nowhere. i too don't know where the road is going. are we going to cross each other's path? or just completely turn around? will we just let go of what we had? or go to the place where love is bound? don't let me walk with him; it's you i want to walk with. don't let me talk of him; it's you i want to talk with. don't let me fall for him; it's you i want to fall in love with.

HOW THE GUY REPLIES:
when you thought i wasn't brave enough to walk beside you, i was behind you every step of the way, still filled with awe because of the beauty, that stands before me. when you thought i was too deaf to hear your heartbeat. i didn't want to assume anything, and I was afraid to lose our friendship when you thought i wasn't there to catch you, It was because you never gave me the chance. you never reached the bottom, you've already grabbed a branch. if you feel like you are nowhere, i too am lost. i too don't know where the road is going. are we just going to turn around? or are we going to cross each other's path? will we just let go of what we had? or go to the place where love is bound? don't let me walk alone; i want to walk by your side. don't let me talk of something else; it's you i want to talk with.don't let me fall for someone else; it's you i want to fall in love with.

Busy week end

2005-10-01T10:52:00.000+08:00

Oooooo Just woke up wanna do my maths but instead I turn on my lappy and start to Blog. Sob sob... TOOO LAZY!!!!!

Weekend Program

Practice maths
Maths test on the coming Tuesday, and I have yet to practice once. Every time I sit down in front of my table I felt sleepy, can't do any question at all. All I did was stone there till I fell asleep. Last night was better I flip the first few page. Have to do maths after I blog, then prepare for the next program.

Reece on sat
It will be the last Reece for the event. Gonna miss the time we eat and play as we Reece the place. Hmm hmm the purpose of the Reece is too brief the game master of their job scope and the location they will be carrying out the activities. While I guess it will be a long Reece, as there are a bunch of 30 people. And things will start to slow down. After Reece donno to join the birthday celebration or not… hmmm

Celebrate Zhong Chuan's birthday
Yoz it was Zhong Chuan's 20th birthday two days ago, so Banny, Ah lynn and donno who else will be celebrating his birthday today at 2030. After dinner they wanna go KTV... hmm I don't sing so go there watch concert. Still pondering, to go or not to go? Today got too many things to do lo. As my computer is currently down I have to go somewhere else to finish the FPA poster. Sob sob

Finish FPA poster
Last night my sister just ordered me to design something for her. Hmm hmm I am actually fine with it, but I got no Computer!!! Hai but still have to finish. Sob sob. Nvm

Dennis Jio all sis and bro to Sentosa
Was supposed to meet up bro Dennis, Clement, Clem's GF, Hairul and sista Joanne last night, But Jo was too tired after wakeboarding and Hairul couldn't make it earlier. Had dinner and little talking session, then bro Dennis jio all sis and bro to sentosa. But I'm too busy this weekend lo. Sob sob every week he jio, every week I bo free de. Sob!

Print out week 3 & 4 Article for ISDM
Going to be the 4th week for ISDM but I havnt read any article. Sob sob. Got to does some catching up this week, if not I won't be able to follow the lesson lo. Need to print all the notes and prepare my notes. Sob!

Read up on IBM and Soci
If possible, which I think wont happen, I hope I can spare myself sometime reading up Soci and IBM too. But I think its impossible de. So I guess I shall wait till I finish my Maths test then read up on those two.

Sleep
I cannot don't sleep de. So it is very important that I get to sleep. It gets the most priority and it is the most essential stuffs that I never fail to do, no matter how busy I am. Sleep zZzZz.

Conclusion
There is just so much to do lo. And yet I am still sitting here, in front of my lappy for one hour doing useless things. Next week will be even worse: Got to settle all the stuffs for CV 2005! BUSY!!!! Ciao~ got to go lo

Paradise of the Mind: Fantasies Revealed

2005-09-29T21:45:00.000+08:00

By Kathryn D'Imperio

Several things come to mind when the word fantasy is uttered... Men and women typically harbor different desires, although some overlap is to be expected.

Fantasy can include many things. "Something that I desire but probably won't ever experience", is how one of my close friends described what it means to her. Several of the other friends I have spoken to feel the same way. "Even if you had the opportunity to obtain it", another friend said, "you probably wouldn't want it for very long, it could get annoying to have everything be perfect all the time."

Besides, what makes the best times so great is partly because they stand out from day-to-day routine. Another friend divulged, "When I think fantasy, I think me on the beach with a good book and lots of sun and maybe a guy rubbing some suntan lotion on me while I sip a strawberry daiquiri." One of the best parts about your fantasies is that they can be anything you want them to be. As my friend continued to add more elements to her reverie, the fantasy got better and even more desirable. And though fantasies are limited by the bounds of ones imagination, they can still erupt into reality. With some phone calls and careful planning, next months paycheck could easily become this tropical paradise!

In addition to providing peace of mind and escape from the real world, fantasizing may also serve as a vehicle to a more satisfying sex life. Fantasies put people in touch with their sexuality, while also allowing them to become more comfortable with themselves and within their relationships.

Women tend to be very sensual and romantic, relying on soft lighting, scented candles and slow music to set the mood. When most women fantasize about making love, it is often with a focus on their current partner (though sometimes someone unattainable, famous, etc. may creep into the mind's eye.) Location and setting play important roles as well, and the emotional connection is critical in most cases.

For some women, the ultimate fantasy is just spending time with the one they love. According to one woman, "There are the occasional naughty fantasies, but I think more than anything, I think about being curled up in his arms."

With men, the fantasies turn in quite a different direction. The most common response to the fantasy question should not surprise you. Girl plus girl, and threesomes topped the charts. My very own cousin had no qualms in admitting that to me, and additionally, enough can't be said for the aggressive female. There's something about a woman who knows what she wants and goes for it.

You've seen the movies where busloads of cheerleaders or half-naked babes arrive at the feet of two lone dudes, or many similar instances. There is no getting around it, guys love wome nand sex. And although many fantasies likely do involve the untouchables of society those that we desire but cannot have one male friend notes that he bets most people's fantasies involve everyday people we see.

Not only does the imagined person play a crucial role in the fantasy, but the setting itself is also a critical component. The beach seems to shine as the most desired amorous hot spot with the sound of the waves lapping on the shore, a gentle breeze, and the sand beneath you is just brimming with romance!

So where does fantasy end and reality begin in the realm of sexual fantasy? It al depends on the details of your prospective plan and your partners preferences. More times than not, in the hopes of strengthening the bond with their love or just having a little fun, people are generally somewhat willing to play a bit outside the lines of a cookie cutter relationship.
Not all fantasies are sexually driven; several friends have informed me that theirs center around the dream life, a good marriage, a nice home, car, vacation, the entire package. "It is a fantasy because it is perfect, and life isn't", said one of my friends. And although life may not be perfect, sometimes happiness within our own corner of the world gives that illusion.
Whatever your fantasy may be, treasure it, enjoy it and perhaps share it, if you find yourself with that incredible person.