Falling ill again, my body is getting weaker and weaker as days past. Think it's gonna do with the lack of exercise. Hmm... Even since I step into this stage of my life I start to fall ill frequently. Maybe this is my retribution, made many mistakes yet I did not repent nor bring it to a stop.
I know it is suicide if I continue to live in this lazy attitude. Have been wondering how I survive till this stage of my life. Remember I wasn't a bright person at all, yet I manage to pull through and get to where I am now. Never expect a person like me could get into a Uni. I know it might not be a good one, might even graduate with a lousy Certificate (if I don study hard) but I am still glad I make it so far.
As compare to many others I am considered very lucky, cos I have parents who could support me till now, plus I do not have to struggle for a living neither do I have to take care to any siblings. Practically have no burden on my shoulder at all. Although I don have to earn my own school fees but I tried and I know it is tiring to work and study at the same time. I might not be as rich as what you see its jus that I'm a little better off, I could afford almost everything I need however I'm also required to earn for my wants like many others does (they don jus come to me for free).
Overall I am jus a average gal from a average income family. I don't have the luxury to buy myself LV or Gucci wallet neither do I wanna spent my money on Birkenstock Papillio sandals, I hate asking ppl for my wants; also hate those ppl asking their boy/gal friend for this and that. Ppl your partners are not for you to exploit!!! opps i think thats none of my biz. I like going on Dutch, of cos my bf do pay for me but I do treat him back when I can. Anyway that's not wat I wanna blog about.
Wanna talk about X'mas but I think there isn't anything much for me to talk about. I enjoyed it very much thou, with that bunch of fun peep in my life and those unforgettable memories and happenings, I glad that we are still as close as before.
Hmm... Pondering... Regardless which aspects of my life, I seem to fail terribly, it might not be completely true but at least to me I think I failed. I am jus born lazy, plus I never did excel in any other area too. I'm such a pain to my parents. Hmm hmm my education was tough, so as my relationship with ppl. I don have good rapport with my parents, we seldom talk, needless to say, misunderstanding often arise. I have a very different mindset from my parents. I knew they can never understand how much I wanna do things my way and eventually I hurt them by doing those things.
I might seem to have a lot of friends, but most of them were merely hi-bye friends. It's hard to find true friends in this world. I have weird character and often ppl couldn't make out what is in my mind. However i do have real good friends and sista. esp ppl like mich, Lynn, and many others. Hmm think I shall end this entry with 10 things about me. (Some are things that u might already have know if u hang out with me often)
Hmm Lets see...
1. I'm a fickle-minded, indecisive & hot-tempered person.
2. Hate being alone. I'm not so much of an attention seeker but would like to have his attentions.
3. I'm very temperamental; can choose to be emotional or get really cold and heartless.
4. I don have a particular interests neither do I have something I really love. As long as I have a little interest in it, I don mind joining in.
5. I'm a practical person. I only like practical stuffs, so no softy toys or flowers. Unless I ask for it or it is of significances.
6. I love being adored by the one and only one in my life.
7. I love to eat and don mind spending on good food.
8. I'm simply lazy to contact my friends. Rather get bored to death at home then call ppl out.
9. I hate to explain myself, if u think I'm good then I will be good, if u think I'm evil then let me be the evil one. Bwahahahha.
10. I'm never contented and I can't get enough of my life. To me there isn't anything that's enough.
Hmm the above 10 things wasn't good enough to describe the person I am. Hmm I shall do a better one next time round. Pardon my language. I am lousy in writing!!!
Hmm... It's Holiday Season. Yet I'm still studying.. sob sob was pretty happy I handed up all my assignment last week, and thought I could finally rest for a week or so without thinking of assignment. However the moment I enter ISDM class, I saw the notice on the board "Assignment 4 up on class system, deadline: 8th Jan 2006". Sob Sob Moreover I got a test on the 4th of Jan 2006. I foresee an interesting year ahead waiting for me.
So much to spend on lately, got to think of gifts and presents for ppl around me. Smiles! This Saturday gonna celebrate Xmas cum those ppl who are born in the month of Nov Dec And Jan. Hmm Gifts, presents gonna cost me a bomb.
Dunno what happen to all my money!!! Think I spent too much on food and stuff that I cant see and feel now i.e cab fare, movie and outing. Hmm. Dunno what to get for Chao B and Lynette, What about my family member and close peep. Wish I could get everyone something, but the jobless and penniless me can do nothing much. Hmm gonna find ways to get some cash. Maybe I should buy 4D or toto this week hahahha. There are jus too many things I wanna get, so many desires and wants. Guess I should try to save a little.
Since I am low in budget guess gonna buy a bigger cake for those who birthday peep and D.I.Y rest of the gift and present (very cheapo but no choice). I might not even have time to D.I.Y the gift. Hmm hmm sianzzz
Actually I got all my needs, therefore there is nothing much I wanna get for myself. And as for all the wants, I guess I should put them behind my mind until I got $$$$.
Wishes for yr 2006:
Score good grade for all my paper
Change my bad habit, be more hardworking and patience.
Be more decisive
Hopefully get my riding license by nxt 3 month. Gonna enroll to BBDC again.
Wants:
Sony digital cam, DSC-T9/B heehee
Sony PSP-1006K for my dear dear
Roxy watches. Love it, but I forget the model le.
Tiffany & Co. Necklaces
Sell my CREATIVE & BUY myself IPOD!
New Phone
A car of my own
If I got my riding license, I wish to own a vespa.
Hmm...
How I wish I could everything above. Hahha but those are all my wants. What I wish to have is to see ppl around happy. Like to see happy face around me, it gives me extra strength to do my stuffs. Hopefully you are happy too!
Chao B finally POP lo. Wanna post pic but dunno why the comp keep hanging. Manage to get one pic uploaded!!! hmm hmm anyway i did a little personality quiz. Pretty accurate! Smiles
| Fun is most important in your life. Having a high focus on fun indicates that you value your own enjoyment over anything else. And there is nothing wrong with that. Your motto is we're here for a good time - not a long time.  Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com |
trust is me telling the truth.
trust is you believing me.
trust is me not being afraid.
trust is you not making me.
deep down within, i hope real hard
deep down within, i scream and shout
deep down within, i cant help but cry
deep down within, i think theres no way out
for what once had has now been lost
for that i blame myself
for childish as this thought may sound
for that long gone i sorely miss
trust we had so long ago.
trust which i destroyed.
trust is what we need again
trust for me and you
all i can give is a simple word...sorry
all i can give is a simple thought...happiness
all i can give is a simple emotion...love
all i can give is a simple thing...my heart
i just need you to forgive me...
without you i have nothing i want to give
I am jus too bored to do anything else!!! Lastest Pic!!!!
There are times when we are timid and shy about expressing the love we feel. For fear of embarrassing the other person, or ourselves, we hesitate to say the actual words. We try to communicate the idea in other words. We say take care or don't drive too fast?
We are sometimes very strange people. The only thing we want to say, and the one thing that we should say, is the one thing we don't say. And yet because the feeling is so real, and the need to say it is so strong, we are driven to use other words and signs to say what we really mean. And many times the meaning never gets communicated at all and the other person is left feeling unloved and unwanted.
Sometimes the explicit words are necessary, but more often, the manner of saying things is even more important. A joyous insult carries more affection and love within the sentiments, which are expressed insincerely. An impulsive hug says i love you, even though the words might be saying something very different.
We say I love you in many ways - with birthday gifts, and little notes, with smiles and sometimes with tears. Sometimes we show our love by just keeping quiet and not saying a word, at other times by speaking out, even harshly. We show our love sometimes by impulsiveness.
Many times we have to show our love by forgiving someone who has not listened to the love we have tried to express. A girl may use tears or emotions to say what she wants to say, and her boyfriend may not understand her because he expects her to be talking his language.
The problem with our world is that people rarely listen to each other. We hear the words, but we don't listen to the actions that accompany the words or the expression on the face. Or people listen only for rejection or misunderstanding. We do not see the love that is there just beneath the surface, even if the words are angry.
People, talking without speaking; people hearing without listening; people writes songs that voices never shared, because no one dared disturb the sound of silence...
We have to listen for love in those around us. If we listen intently we will discover that we are a lot more loved than we realise.
There are many times I tried to listen but external attributes are too overwhelming which make me fail to hear you. I'm sorry. But I will try.
Chao B
After talking to you last night I guess I understand how you felt a little more. Knowing that I'm wrong yet I still persist in doing it. I know how insecure you felt, I know how much you fear to see me leave one day silently (but you say you are prepared, if one day I'm really gone. Hmm! Contradicting!). I just hope you have a little faith in me and believe me. You Know I'm playful and you know I'm just trying to get the most out of my life.
Since the day you step into my life you changed me, Change me slowly into the person I'm now! The ways I look at things change tremendously, my perception towards the same things change too.
You see me differently too, sometime I'm just a simple gal that need protection, that want care and concern, that want all your attention and nothing else and someone that is totally handicap without you.
You say I can never take care of myself always worries you, how I wish you can be there to nag at me and force me to eat and drink.
At time I really wish I had never gone through so much, too much till I appear to be a person I sometime don't even recognise.
Suddenly thought of what you wrote to me 3yrs back:
You say I'm just like cactus -
"You can withstand the most intense heat yet you won't wither. You prick people when you bei song them! Water is stored inside you to provide you with sufficient nutrients to last but for how long?"
Truly speaking I still don't understand. Hahahha Anyway I never regretted being with ya. And I am glad that you actually step into my world.
This part of the entry is too fragmented; I simply type whatever is going through my mind at that moment. There are so much more I want to say but it is hard to say it out explicitly. That's all for now.
Ah Jiao
21th Sep 1985
21
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