===Abstracted from John Bloggy===
TREE
The reason I'm called Tree is because I'm good at painting trees. Over time I started to paint a tree in the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolor paintings. I had dated 5 girls when I was in Pre-U. There's one girl whom I loved a lot but never dared go after. She didn't have a pretty face, nor a good figure, or outstanding charm. She was just a very ordinary girl.I like her. I really like her. Like her innocence, her frankness. Like her cuteness, her intelligence and her fragility. My reason for not going after her was that I felt somebody so ordinary was not good enough for me. I was also afraid that if we got together all the special feelings I had would vanish. I feared that other people's gossiping would hurt her. I also felt that if she was meant to be my girl, she would be mine ultimately and I didn't have to give everything up just for her. The last reason made her stay with me for 3 years. She watched me chase after other girls for 3 years, and I made her heart cry for 3 years.She wanted to be a good actress and I was a very demanding director. When I kissed my second girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smiled and said "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes were swollen like walnuts. I purposely ignored what had caused her to cry and instead, laughed at her the whole day. When everyone else went back home, she sat alone crying in the classroom. She didn't know that I had returned from soccer training to get something. I watched her cry for an hour or so. My fourth girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them quarrelled. I know that based on her character she was not the one who had started off the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at her and her eyes were filled with shock. I didn't care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she still laughed and joked with me as though nothing had happened. I know that she was very hurt but she didn't know that my heart ached as badly as hers. When I broke up with my fifth girlfriend, I asked her out. After going out for a day, I told her that I had something to tell her. She told me that coincidentally, she had something to tell me too. I told her about my break-up and she told me about her getting together with someone else. I know who the guy was. He had been going after her for quite a while. He was a very cute guy who was full of energy, lively and interesting. His pursuit for her had been the talk of the school.I couldn't let her know how my heart ached but could only smile and congratulate her. When I reached home, my heart ached so bad that I can't stand it. There was like a heavy weight upon my chest. I couldn't breathe. I wanted to shout but couldn't. Tears rolled down and I broke down and cried. How many times have I seen her cry for the man that didn't even acknowledge her presence?During graduation, I read an SMS in my handphone. It was sent 10 days ago when I broke down and cried, but I hadn't read it since then. It said, "Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay."
LEAF
During Pre-U days, I liked to collect leaves. Why? Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree she has relied on for so long it takes a lot of courage. During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a guy. Not the BGR kind but the buddy kind. But when he had his first girlfriend, I learned a feeling I never should have learnt - jealousy. The sourness inthe heart couldn't be described using a lemon. It's Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 months. When they broke up, I hid my strong sense of happiness. But after a month, he got together with another girl.I like him and I know he likes me. But why wouldn't he pursue me? Since he loved me why didn't he make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would ache. T ime after time, my heart was hurt again and again. I began to suspect this was a one sided love. But if he didn't like me, why did he treat me so well? It's beyond what you would do for a normal friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I may know his likes, his dislikes, his habits, etc. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't expect me, a girl, to ask him right?Despite all this, I still wanted to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him, love him, hoping that one day, he will love me too. I waited for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me SMS. I know that no matter how busy he was, he would make time for me. Because of this, I waited for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go through and I really wanted to give up. At times, I wondered whether I should continue waiting. The pain, the hurt, and the dilemma accompanied me for 3 long years.Towards the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior began to go after me. Everyday he pursued me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in time when I felt that I was willing to let him have a small footing in my heart. He's like a warm and gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree. In the end, I realized that I didn't want to give this wind just asmall footing in my heart. I know this wind will bring this badly battered leaf far away to a better land. Finally I left Tree. But Tree only smiled and didn't ask me to stay. Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.
WIND
I like a girl called Leaf. Because she's so dependent on Tree, I have to be a gust of Wind, a wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was one month after I transferred to the new school. I saw a petite girl looking at my seniors and I playing soccer. During CCA time, she would always be sitting there looking at him, be it alone or with her friends. When he talked with other girls, there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's happiness in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit, the way she liked to look at him.One day, she wasn't there. I felt something was amiss. I can't explain the feeling except that it's a sense of uneasiness. The senior was also not there. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scold her. Tears were in her eyes when he left. T he next day, I saw her at her usual place looking at him. I walked over and smiled at her, took out a note and gave it to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled and accepted the note. The next day, she passed me a note and left.Leaf's heart is too heavy and Wind couldn't blow her away.It's not that Leaf's heart is too heavy. It is because Leaf never wanted to leave Tree. I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me and accepted my presents and phone calls. I know that the person she loved wasn't me. But I had the perseverance that one day, I could make her like me. Within 4 months, I had declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she would divert away from the topic. But I never gave up. If I decided I wanted her to be mine, I would definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I had declared my love for her. Although I knew she would try to divert, I still had a small glimmer of hope, hoping that she would agree to be my girlfriend. I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone, so I asked "What are you doing? Why didn't you reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head." "Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears. "I'm nodding my head," she replied loudly. I hung up the phone, changed quickly, took a taxi, rushed to her place and pressed her door bell. When she opened the door. I hugged her tightly. Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.
For consecutive two days, I only ate two Burger for the whole day. Hai so unhealthy! Had Netball Match today, how I wish I slept throughout the day and never had to wake up... Took cab all the way to Temasek Polytechnic, wasted 14+ on that damn cab. Sianz. Lost all game, injure myself a little (my leg is aching), Dehydrated, Hungry (skip my breakfast and lunch) but at least I enjoyed the process hahahha. There are moment where I get really pissed but I think there is nth I say cos I really don play Netball. Damn Tired today, quite burned but I guess it was still ok for me. Plus the journey home was so darn long, slept almost 3/4 of the journey, was jus freaking tired.
Rollar blading with Mich and gang tomorrow... hope I won't be late… pretty tired lately... after trekkin, I start to do sport more, hopefully I can continue.
I am wondering y I didn't blog about trekking; I guess I really got nth much to say about it. It wasn't physically challenging, the view was ok I guess, or maybe I donno how to appreciate it. Hahah but I came to know some fun peeps. Upload a few trekking pic on friendster, too lazy to post all on photobucket. That's all about the trekking.
Mood: Happi!!!
Y does you to horn so darn many times? The fucking gate is struck rite. Stop shounting ard. i don owe u anything. Thats's y i hate to stay at home! Wake up your darn stupid idea. I hate YOU!!! YOU make my day suck!
Will be out of town for the weekend... heehee going trekking at Jerangkang. Will be back on Sunday, so ppl if u wanna look for me wait till Sunday evening k.. smiles. Miss ya all.
Now i am worried about my assignment and Maths Test next week. hmm hmm k cya. gonna pack my baggy. Leaving town in the evening. Tata
will post pic pic when I'm back.
It has been raining for days!!! Simply hate the rain, make mi so darn moody... hmm
Was suppose to study in school after lesson, but I couldn't find kakis. Sianz...
I'm bored to tear!!! Hmm
While I'm walking home today, many ideas appear in my brain. There is just so many things I wanna do lately, I wanna play badminton, sun-bathe, roller blade, cycle, shop, Talk to you more. Ppl!!! I wanna play badminton next week hahahhaha. But I doubt I have the time to do everything.
I am having lots of fun ever since I enter SIM, bumping ard everyday, joining several CCA, attending meetings, joining activities jus make me so occupied. Hmm however the best things that happen was those peeps that came into my life, especially gurlies like Mich and Hazel. I jus lub all of you!!!
Reflection
Who doesn't love the feeling of being loved? At least I know I loved the feeling of being love. I love being dote, I love being notice but I guess I am in that dreamy state a little too long to think what I really want. The need for attentions have never cross my mind, erm maybe I am wrong to say that it have never cross my mind, I guess attention is not so important to me ba but I still want your attention. hahahahahahaha
Opps... Felt so damn selfish and inconsiderate. Sorry being so ignorance to so many things that happen. Sorry being so selfish all this while. Having my own fun and neglected your feeling. Actually I dunno what I am doing. Hmm...
I like to talk things out, tends to share my thoughts with ppl ard me and hope to get some enlighten while talking to them. I am thinking issit possible to really shut all my thoughts with myself? I guess that is impossible. However, I will give a thought to whatever u tell me ytd. I am seriously thinking about the consequences of all my behaviour and actions. Anyway I blog because I couldn't study, my mind keep wander off. Really wan to settle my thoughts and concentrate on my school work. Ciao~ makan time!
Give it a try..
Mood Analysis Test!
From Crystal's Blog
Artist : Lifehouse
What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here
Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right
Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
Finally! The end of CV, was hoping that this day pass faster, no more weekend at Raffles,
Had Steamboat with the rest after the event and then celebrate a super super belated birthday too. Haha. Didn't really enjoy my day, it was tiring and annoying too. Broke a few promises and make people unhappy.
Dunno why I am still so awake at this moment. There are many things that I want to tell you and let you know. I dunno how to put it across to you neither do I know how I should change this weakness of me. Felt that my world suddenly turned dark because you are unhappy. I don wan to see u unhappy.
I'm playful, I'm stubborn, I'm selfish, very self-centred, but I do get jealous, worry and anxious all because of you. When you say you are going out, I keep wondering who's with you. U say I don't know them, make mi ponder more. I kept thinking and thinking! Guess I shall stop before my mind wanders further. NIte ppl!
Here comes another weekend, had gone through quite lot lately but quite a surprising week though. Hmm. Busy with my test as well as preparing for City Venture. City Venture is Tomorrow! So excited! Thank you everyone for making this event possible.
My mind was pretty occupied lately too. Got a lot to think about, had this plan of studying in school after my lesson. Got a lot to catch up this month, guess I need to find kakis to study with me too! Maths assignment and ISDM assignment is such a pain. Sob sob
When for movie with Mich on Wed nite, quite a lengthy Korean show, a love story about a man and a woman who meet when their unfaithful spouses are involved in a serious car accident. If u likes Korean love story I think you will enjoy it ba hahhaha! After that we went supper at Mac and had a nice talk. Miss her too!!
Btw I signed up for the Jerangkang trek ytd together with the two lovable MICH. Heehee
Gona stop here, need to jump quest for my mei mei lo. PPl I miss ya all. Smiles
Not happy = not Happy
Dont need any reason.
Leave me alone.
Dont ask me why.
Just Unhappy With this darn World.
Whats happening to me!
Why cant i be just childish for a while
Why cant you pardon me.
All i wan your understanding.
Can u give me that?
Can u listen?
Can u open your heart and feel?
Can u open ur darn eyes and see for yourself?
This is not what I want.
Let me be alone for the time being
Don call saying u care and wanna help
Don call just because u wan to noe
Don call jus because u think u should care
Don call to give advice
Don call to prove me wrong
I don need this.
I don want to flare my temper.
I don want to throw tantrums.
I only wan some attention.
I am not a little gal.
Don treats me like them
Don pleases me like how u did to others
Don act like u noe mi when u don
Don even try to act like u understand me
Don take me for granted jus because I forget things easily.
Don make use of me.
Don restrict me.
Don lecture me.
I don need those from u.
I had enuff.
enuff of being mistaken
enuff of all those crap.
Dont want to talk abt it = dont wan to talk abt it anymore.
Shut up and go away.
WHAT A GIRL TELLS A GUY:
if you see me walking the road with someone else, it's not because i like his company. it's because you're not brave enough to walk beside me. if you hear me talking about him all the time, it's not because he pleases me. it's because you're too deaf to hear my heartbeat. if you feel me falling with someone new, it's not because i love him. it's because you were not there to catch me fall. if you feel lost, i too am nowhere. i too don't know where the road is going. are we going to cross each other's path? or just completely turn around? will we just let go of what we had? or go to the place where love is bound? don't let me walk with him; it's you i want to walk with. don't let me talk of him; it's you i want to talk with. don't let me fall for him; it's you i want to fall in love with.
HOW THE GUY REPLIES:
when you thought i wasn't brave enough to walk beside you, i was behind you every step of the way, still filled with awe because of the beauty, that stands before me. when you thought i was too deaf to hear your heartbeat. i didn't want to assume anything, and I was afraid to lose our friendship when you thought i wasn't there to catch you, It was because you never gave me the chance. you never reached the bottom, you've already grabbed a branch. if you feel like you are nowhere, i too am lost. i too don't know where the road is going. are we just going to turn around? or are we going to cross each other's path? will we just let go of what we had? or go to the place where love is bound? don't let me walk alone; i want to walk by your side. don't let me talk of something else; it's you i want to talk with.don't let me fall for someone else; it's you i want to fall in love with.
Oooooo Just woke up wanna do my maths but instead I turn on my lappy and start to Blog. Sob sob... TOOO LAZY!!!!!
Weekend Program
Practice maths
Maths test on the coming Tuesday, and I have yet to practice once. Every time I sit down in front of my table I felt sleepy, can't do any question at all. All I did was stone there till I fell asleep. Last night was better I flip the first few page. Have to do maths after I blog, then prepare for the next program.
Reece on sat
It will be the last Reece for the event. Gonna miss the time we eat and play as we Reece the place. Hmm hmm the purpose of the Reece is too brief the game master of their job scope and the location they will be carrying out the activities. While I guess it will be a long Reece, as there are a bunch of 30 people. And things will start to slow down. After Reece donno to join the birthday celebration or not… hmmm
Celebrate Zhong Chuan's birthday
Yoz it was Zhong Chuan's 20th birthday two days ago, so Banny, Ah lynn and donno who else will be celebrating his birthday today at 2030. After dinner they wanna go KTV... hmm I don't sing so go there watch concert. Still pondering, to go or not to go? Today got too many things to do lo. As my computer is currently down I have to go somewhere else to finish the FPA poster. Sob sob
Finish FPA poster
Last night my sister just ordered me to design something for her. Hmm hmm I am actually fine with it, but I got no Computer!!! Hai but still have to finish. Sob sob. Nvm
Dennis Jio all sis and bro to Sentosa
Was supposed to meet up bro Dennis, Clement, Clem's GF, Hairul and sista Joanne last night, But Jo was too tired after wakeboarding and Hairul couldn't make it earlier. Had dinner and little talking session, then bro Dennis jio all sis and bro to sentosa. But I'm too busy this weekend lo. Sob sob every week he jio, every week I bo free de. Sob!
Print out week 3 & 4 Article for ISDM
Going to be the 4th week for ISDM but I havnt read any article. Sob sob. Got to does some catching up this week, if not I won't be able to follow the lesson lo. Need to print all the notes and prepare my notes. Sob!
Read up on IBM and Soci
If possible, which I think wont happen, I hope I can spare myself sometime reading up Soci and IBM too. But I think its impossible de. So I guess I shall wait till I finish my Maths test then read up on those two.
Sleep
I cannot don't sleep de. So it is very important that I get to sleep. It gets the most priority and it is the most essential stuffs that I never fail to do, no matter how busy I am. Sleep zZzZz.
Conclusion
There is just so much to do lo. And yet I am still sitting here, in front of my lappy for one hour doing useless things. Next week will be even worse: Got to settle all the stuffs for CV 2005! BUSY!!!! Ciao~ got to go lo
Ah Jiao
21th Sep 1985
21
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